It Just Ain't Done Around Here...

I spent the best part of the last hour trying desperately to do *something* about our mailbox. It's been threatening for some time now to go ditch diving and seems to get a bit more serious about it with each snowfall and subsequent beating it takes from the wall of snow the plow bombards it with!

For the last week or so, it's been hanging precariously at a very odd and alarming angle, to the point, when I check the mail, I have to just about get down on my hands and knees!

Today, I decide since no snow is actually falling (*I* do not want to be beaten by the snow the plow throws!!) and its not death cold out that I will make an attempt to fix it a bit... fix it enough to get us through the last 6 friggen weeks of winter... with the plan that in the spring when and if it ever arrives, we will make some sort of more permanent fix.

This morning, before my husband heads off to work, I ask him about what HE would do to fix it...he explains his idea until I finally understand it and then we leave it at that.

Our driveway is not that long (100 feet or so?) but I decide that since its icy after being plowed just after midnight last night that I will load everything I need into the back of the van and back down the driveway and work out of the van.

I load up a drill, a hammer, some wire, a variety of other tools (clearly I don't have any real sort of plan at this point!) I grab a 2x4, a piece of plywood, a hand saw and some screws from the red shed and then I back down the driveway.

I go out to have a look and see if Shawn's plan will work. Meh, maybe... but I'm not *I* can make it happen. I go back for the hammer as I figure that's a good start to any job.

I stand at the mailbox, I swing it so its straight, I look at it some more. I see a big nail that it's kinda pivoting on and decide I'll whack at that and see what happens. I need to move a little closer to the box and a little farther from the road. Suddenly, the earth is swallowing me whole!! My legs both sink into the deep snow, right to my crotch!! I still wasn't touching anything solid with my feet, I would've sank farther but I have short little legs.

So I'm standing there, swinging the mailbox back to straight, hanging by my crotch in the snow and tapping at the giant nail. Nothing happens. The wood is kinda rotten so I'm trying not to hit it so hard that everything flies apart. I bang harder and it starts t go in... Great!

I'm feeling all pleased that maybe just maybe in spite of my pants that are starting to feel kinda cold and wet that maybe there will be some progress.

Then... I look up and there's a guy looking back at me that I can only describe as a geezer. He looks like he might be a thousand years old, white scruffy beard, the longest white eyebrows I've ever seen and horrible, crooked black and brown teeth!

I nod, but don't say anything... I'm not really in a position to SAY much, I'm holding a hammer in the ditch, by the mailbox suspended in the snow by my crotch! Clearly, I could do without the audience!!

I notice he's pulled over on the other side of the road ... he has a beat up old pick up truck and that back seems to be filled with a variety of junk.

He starts talking "Little lady did you fall in the ditch?"

I look at him, anyone who knows me knows which look it is... and I say "Nope, just trying to fix up the mailbox a bit".

He says "Ahh! I see. This winter sure has given them a beating."

Not really wanting to encourage him, I say "sure has."

Then he starts having opinions about what will fix my mailbox problem and hey don't I have a husband to do this kind of stuff?

I just ignore him and keep banging on the nail... its almost all the way in and the swinging is not near so bad.

Then I hear him hollering a bit and I turn to see what's going on... he's hollering at another guy in a beat up pick up truck who is also pulled over at the side of the road. He's not quite as old as the "grandfather of all geezers", but he's definitely a geezer himself.

They start talking and I wiggle myself out of the deep snow, back to the side of the road and get up and head to the van. I cut the piece of plywood in half so I have 2 pieces that are about 12 inches by 12 inches or so. (There was NO measuring going on,, even though I did bring the tape measure down with me).

I bring the 2 pieces back to the mailbox and the old guys are still talking geezer talk, so I ignore them. I hold up my pieces of plywood and see if they will catch the post and the board that supports the mailbox. It appears they will.

Back to the van I go, I get the drill and the 2.5 inch deck screws. My plan is to fasten a piece on each side and then see how it feels from there.

Once I'm back to the mailbox, geezer #2 says "Hey there little lady, those are serious tools, they aren't meant for wimmin to use! You should wait fer yer husband to get home!"

By this time, I'm kinda cranky... I mean, I started out cranky and its just going downhill as my pants get damper and damper from the snow.

So I say "Actually this IS my drill, my husband has his own."

The geezer that's older than dirt says "oh my yer a feisty sort, aint ya?"

Again, I ignore him and get the screws started in the plywood, just by eye balling where I think they'll go. I climb back down in the snow pit and am ready to fasten the first piece on when the geezer older than dirt starts yelling. I look up again.

He says "Yer not gonna put that board on yer mailbox are ya?"

I answer through gritted teeth "I'm planning to".

He says "Ya can't do that. That's a brand new board. Ya hafta find something just around and put that up. You can't be putting up brand new boards like that.

I continue to put up the board and say "Why not?"

He looks at the other geezer and says "It just ain't done around here".

"It is NOW", I say and put a couple more screws in. I move to the other side and start putting it up.

Now they are both standing there, shaking their heads at me, clearly disapproving of the "little lady in the ditch, up to her crotch in snow, wielding a cordless drill and brand new plywood".

After both pieces are up, I push on the mailbox a bit. Its certainly sturdier now, not perfect. I climb back out of the ditch and say "I guess that'll hold until spring comes in 6 more weeks when my husband can come out and fix it properly."

They both laugh and make my day even better by saying "Only 6 more weeks? I think it'll be more like 8 - 10 weeks before it warms up at all. And now yer mailbox doesn't look so nice."

Well, he's right about the mailbox, it doesn't. I just hacked up the plywood willy nilly... its not cut to FIT... it hangs out and over here and there. But you know what, the mailbox IS straighter!!

Then geezer #2's cell phone starts ringing and I hear him say "Yeah, I'll be home fer lunch in a few minutes. I'm helping a poor neighbour lady fix her mailbox."

I pack up everything into the van, and both the old guys get back in their trucks and wave and off they go. Umm, yeah, thanks for your help that made the job SO much easier!!

So apparently women in the ditch with power tools is a big draw for geezers. Who knew?

You just can't make up shit like this... only in Dunrobin and would only ever happen to me!!

So in the spring, when the mailbox needs fixing again, I'm going to wait for my husband to come home and let him do it!! :)

(And just so its clear, "geezer" IS a term of endearment and is not intended to be derogatory in any way. My Dad is soon getting on to be a geezer and sometimes when we go out to eat we get "geezer food" at a local diner type place. My husband is a wannabe geezer, but he's got a ways to go yet!)